Holistic Relationship Development

Insights, advice, and recommendations for modern parents dealing with kids and social media.

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Your relationship tools from A (e.g., healthy assertiveness) to Z

By Dr. Sibylle Georgianna

What Our Experts Are Saying

Insights, recommendations, and advice for parents balancing kids and technology from the doctors, subject matter experts and thought leaders in the Modern Parent Project community.

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What to Do?

Direct, straightforward and summarized advice and recommendations.  Parents, please consider the following insights when navigating the challenging topic of kids and technology.

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What NOT to Do?

The wrong words or actions can sometimes make things worse with kids.  Parents, please consider avoiding the following potential traps.

Develop A Game Plan For Your Child’s Online and Face-to-face Relationships

Facing your child’s relationships in today’s complex digital (and face-to-face) world without a roadmap for direction will set you up to get off course onto old rabbit trails (e.g., avoiding confrontation, being uninformed about your teen’s relationships, giving in to their face-to-face and online relationship preferences without weighing the respective pros, cons, and risks) or feed into feelings of overwhelm and anxiety (in both you and your child). Increase your chances for your child’s relationship success with developing your road map for navigating online and face-to-face relationships.

Take Yourself Through Relationship Scenarios To Build Confidence

Educating yourself on the many components of how to foster healthy, age-appropriate relationships and taking yourself through concrete examples of relationship scenarios will shift you from worrying about your child’s relationships to feeling empowered. You will be able to respond well to the challenge. Consider yourself a “Sherpa” of your child’s relationship journey: you will be able to lead them to success by having the game plan, equipment, and providing the guidance necessary.

Expand Your Relationship Comfort Zone

Knowledge is power, a game plan is harnessing the power, and living in consultation about the new things you are embarking on is the way to stretch your limits in a sustainable way. Becoming a relationship Sherpa (even if it feels unpleasant, uncomfortable, or neutral/not working) is the new mission to embark on.

Thinking we can do it alone

Research shows that people were encouraged by others on were much more likely to achieve what they set out to do, and to go to the next challenge afterwards. Even if it may feel counter-intuitive to reach out to a friend or professional when dealing with extreme pressure, accountability is a secret ingredient to excelling through challenges.

Thinking we can try it out once and if it does not work we need to discard it

Our fast-paced, consumer-oriented society does not teach us to take a break, take a close look, learn from what we experience, and only let go of things that are not working. However, slowing down and taking a look long enough to optimize our parenting experiences is a trainable (and worthwhile) skill that many experts use to outperform. How about you?

My kids don’t have a YouTube channel — but they pretend they do

Instead of pretending to be superheroes or cops or robbers, many kids are now opting to imagine themselves as real modern heroes: YouTube video kid stars.

By David Pierson (article)

The YouTube experience doesn’t end for my kids after I take away their iPads.  It follows them everywhere: when they’re playing with toys, riding in the backseat of our car or roaming the supermarket aisles.  That’s because the two have developed a habit of living out their lives as if there’s an imaginary camera trained on them, just like their favorite YouTubers. “Dad is making a right turn now,” my 5-year-old son Jack will say as he newscasts the ride to school to a fictional audience.  “Don’t forget to subscribe,” his sister Ella, 6, will often interject — again, to no one in particular.

When I was their age, I’d pretend to be a soldier or a baseball player. Today, kids apparently aspire to be vloggers. It’s not enough for them to watch their favorite shows. They want to broadcast their lives, banter with commenters and keep their make-believe view counts high.  It’s a shift from the era of Mickey Mouse or Hannah Montana – and one that bodes well for YouTube as it tries to capture a generation of children who couldn’t tell you what a cable box was for.

Last year, YouTube launched its first kids app, YouTube Kids. The app, which had more than 10 billion views the first year alone, comes with stricter advertising guidelines, parental controls and voice search that has an uncanny ability to understand kids (It took me weeks to realize what my kids were saying when they kept asking to watch a channel with 2.7 million subscribers called CookieSwirlC. I kept calling it Kooky World Sea).

“The family and learning space is incredibly important to YouTube and one that is continuing to grow,” said Malik Ducard, YouTube’s global head of family and learning.  Children ages 11 and younger are one of the fastest growing audiences for digital video, growing nearly four times as fast as viewers ages 18 to 24, according to eMarketer.

That growth has no doubt been perpetuated by the legion of young YouTube creators who have uploaded playtime videos, educational tutorials and “unboxing” clips — videos showing in painstaking detail the process of removing a new toy or gadget from its packaging.

My children are so captivated by unboxing videos that I’m scolded if I ever attempt to help them open a new toy. So I surrender the gift, which they put on the dining table for imaginary display. ”Hi, boys and girls, welcome to YouTube Toys,” my daughter will say. “I’m Ella and this is my little brother Jack.”

Come Easter egg hunt time, they do the same with the plastic eggs, describing to a camera that doesn’t exist the tiny treats inside each egg they crack open.

By watching these unboxing videos, my kids stay informed about the latest toys. I was naive to think cutting our cable service a year ago – and all the TV commercials that came with it – would insulate them from marketing.  There seems to be no more effective YouTube recruitment tool or advertising strategy than having kids watch their peers.

“Kids used to put on a cape and play Superman around the house,” said Nancy Mramor Kajuth, a psychologist who specializes in the influence of media. “Now they’re pretending to be someone they know from YouTube. They’re learning how to be kids from the kids they watch.”

On occasion, Jack and Ella have asked my wife and me to help them launch their own not-for-pretend channel — perhaps one in which they narrate scenes with their Shopkins toys.  We always decline. We both work and don’t have the time or energy. We’re also wary of exposing them to some of the uglier aspects of the Internet, namely trolling.

I’m no Luddite – I know my kids can’t live without technology. But I still feel more than a twinge of guilt handing them the devices to keep them occupied when I have to work, cook or clean up a mess (usually theirs).

Pediatricians have for years recommended no more than two hours of screen time per day for children older than 2. However, the proliferation of handheld devices has spurred talk of revising the recommendation to reflect the reality that kids use tablets and phones much more.

It’s a delicate subject that requires more research given how new the technology is. Still, experts say too much screen time can over-stimulate children and make them disengaged from the real world, not unlike TV.  “If kids have fun with their screens, that’s great. But they also need to ride a bike, swim and learn to solve problems with their Legos,” said Mramor Kajuth, the psychologist.  Parents of young YouTube creators say their children are picking up a host of skills running a YouTube channel with millions of viewers.

“My kids are learning about technology, contracts, how to deal with deadlines and money management,” said Mike Jones of the Happy Family Show, a channel created by his children, Christine, 21, Kevin, 16, and Josh, 10.

Launched five years ago, the Happy Family Show largely consists of the kids holding Barbie dolls and acting out scripted episodes. A cousin of stop animation, the genre has mushroomed on YouTube. The Happy Family Show now has more than 330,000 subscribers and more than 165 million views.

Yet it wasn’t an easy decision for Mike and his wife, Sarah, to let the children start the channel. They worried about privacy and trolls. They’re careful to never reveal their address. And they didn’t allow the kids to show their faces in the videos until long after they started the show.  “It was hard in the beginning,” Kevin said about the abusive comments.  “It teaches you to develop thick skin,” said Christine.

Last week, the Indianapolis family attended VidCon, a massive get together of online video creators in Anaheim, where they spoke on a panel titled “So Your Kid Wants to Be on YouTube — Now What?” Joining them on stage was Brian Alexander, whose 10-year-old daughter Presley runs an educational YouTube channel called Act Out Games.  To shield Presley from nasty comments, Brian reviews everything that’s written under the videos. He supervises conversations with fans. And he’s involved in the production of all her clips.

“It’s been an amazing thing for our relationship,” he said. “We’re very, very close because of it.” A helpful resource has been a Facebook group for parents of children on YouTube. The group of about 60 members often trades names of viewers who are particularly mean so that they can block them.  Presley takes extreme pride in her dedication to the channel. She’s created and posted a video every day for the last three years.

“Someday we’re going to miss a day,” said Brian, a Denver-based executive at an education services firm. “But it’s not going to be my fault. I’m doing everything I can to stay committed.”

Meanwhile, Brian’s 4-year-old son Cooper is starting to appear on the channel, which has garnered 2.6 million views. “He’s seen us doing this his whole life,” Brian said.  So naturally, what did Cooper like to play growing up? Pretending to be a YouTube star.

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